May 19 is National Asian & Pacific Islander HIV/AIDS Awareness Day and World Hepatitis Day. This blog post is one of a series on the impact of HIV and Hepatitis B in Asian & Pacific Islander communities. As A&PIs, you may not believe that you are at risk for these diseases, but you are. Follow our posts throughout the week for different perspectives and stories from our community.

Finding my Purpose

My husband was diagnosed with AIDS in November 1991 about a week after Magic Johnson came out publicly and stated he was HIV positive.  WOW! that made it so much easier for me to accept.  However that didn’t make it any easier for my husband.  He felt scared, ashamed, angry and stigmatized.  He wouldn’t talk about it, didn’t want to read anything about it and certainly didn’t want me talking about it. 

Living with HIV myself, and blessed that my two young sons were HIV negative, I knew I had to find purpose.  I wanted to live to see my boy’s grow up.  I was given the opportunity to share my experience living with HIV to young mothers in a drug treatment facility.  This was huge for me.  I was scared of what people would think of me.  What I found was appreciation and compassion.  The more I talked about my HIV status to others, the more I felt empowered and less ashamed.   I knew there were other women who probably shared some of the same experiences I had with drugs, alcohol and domestic violence as I did.  I felt that if more women had the same knowledge about risk and behaviors that led to HIV infection than maybe they wouldn’t have to go through what I was.  The more knowledge people had, the less shame there would be. 

My husband despised the fact that I was sharing my story with other people because that meant I was talking about him.  We had many arguments as a result of my disclosure.  Finally, it wasn’t about him.  This was something I had to do for me and my own healing.     

After volunteering at the Life Foundation for about 8 years on their Speakers Bureau, I finally became a part of the staff at Life Foundation in 1999 and was now able to support my family through my own contributions.  I began working with other HIV positive people in helping to address the many issues that come from living with HIV.  This includes helping them come to acceptance, dealing with the shame and stigma, treatment adherence, sex, relationships and being able to disclose their status to their family or sexual partners.  In my experience I have been able to see people empowered and take control of their own health needs .