(This post was inspired by
the ongoing Chinese Laundry incident).
I don't write that much about Asian-American feminism. I really wish I wrote more in this area. I've written a few "anti-geisha" pieces I feel very positively about, but in general, I find it a surprisingly difficult topic. I can write about other difficult issues, so why not this one?
I still don't know exactly why, but I have a few ideas.
I had to develop strategies to handle random sexual fetishization from a very early age. Thirteen is when it started. I'm naturally very independent and stubborn, and I refused to accept it as just another fact of life. It never failed to shock and anger me.
Whenever a man introduced himself to me at a social event by saying, "Hi! I like sexy Asian women!" I'd say, "That's a rude and disgusting statement."
I waitressed for many years, and when my customers would say "Hi! I like sexy Asian women!" I'd say something like "I've never heard that one before, how original" or "white guys are crazy about Asian women and then white women go to Jamaica to have sex with young black men, what a funny world we live in, huh?". They were very confused by these responses. They weren't quite offended enough to complain to management, but they left measly tips.
I felt like I was caught in a trap. If I complained, I was accused of being "ungrateful" and "not knowing how to take a compliment". If I tried to educate, no one listened. If I ignored it, I condoned it.
Eventually, I gave up complaining and trying to educate. I decided it just wasn't worth it. I was at a point where I didn't need to waitress anymore, and I could remove myself from most environments where I'd have to face that kind of crap. If it did happen, I simply broke eye contact, looked disgusted, turned around, walked away and told myself "Do
not take responsibility for his actions. You have no obligation here. Do not shake with frustrated rage. Forget he even exists. Forget what just happened. Enjoy the rest of your day."
I thought disengaging worked well for me. It was healthier. But there was still a price. When I want to revisit and write about how it all made me feel, "disengage" mode turns back on. I just can't do it. I'd rather pry out a fingernail than explain to an ignorant audience exactly why fetishization is so evil. I have a lot of respect for Asian-American women who fight against fetishization and I will support that fight wherever I can, in other ways. It's a hard and painful path, but it needs to be taken.
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