"The best thing is the struggle but the second best thing is the people who you struggle with." -Stewart Acuff

As Asian Pacific Heritage Month comes to a close and as we begin to celebrate LGBT pride in June, I am reminded of the importance of my identity as a gay Asian American/queer Pilipino. My story is only an example of the struggles of our broader community. However, I share it, with hopes of shedding light and speaking to some of your own personal stories.

For the longest time, I knew I was gay. I still remember my first gay experience. Neither of us expected it to happen but just one afternoon after playing video games, we found each ourselves touching each other in places we couldn't speak about and exploring parts of ourselves that felt so right and so wrong at the same time. For years I was in the closet but slowly started telling my classmates, my closer friends, folks in the community, even my sister but always was reluctant to tell my parents.

I went through high school and college managing not to tell my parents that I was gay. After graduation, I made a big decision to move to Washington DC to serve as a National Officer for the United States Student Association. I had a difficult time transitioning to this new city, where there were few people who looked like me and even less who identified or could relate with my experiences. After years of organizing, I felt like I was doing my new job decently, going through the motions but did not have a true understanding of my own purpose and WHY I was doing what I was doing.

After months of self discovery, counseling and conversations with peers & mentors, I came to a realization that I was hiding a lot of myself and the things I cared about most because I was worried about my parents being able to google my name and see "gay" or "queer" in any of the related search results. Furthermore, the peak of my frustration and understanding of this internalized homophobia reached its peak at a family dinner back home in Sacramento, CA where the discussion of Prop 8 became a topic of conversation. My family, who for the most part, are CEO Catholics (those who goto church on Christmas & Easter only), identified as “traditional” and laughed at instances of public displays of affection of different gay and lesbian couples, and I felt the continued push to further internalize my queer identity.

I knew I had to say something. And I finally found the courage to do so... and finally came out as gay to my parents. Not only did this decision transform my life but those of my family, including my mom, dad and sister.

My mom and dad thought that being gay was a phase in a life of a growing teenager or something that was beyond someone in her family could face. They now have a personal story and someone who is near and dear to them that can speak to the struggles and realities that queers face, including the instances of homophobia and racism that continue to plague my life.

My sister has pushed herself to better understand the LGBT/queer community. She told me that I was the first person she met that was like 'me' and wanted to better understand how she could be an ally and be able to defend me and others like me to her friends.

Beyond home, the mission of my life became clearer. I want to ensure that queer people of color, including Asian Americans & Pacific Islanders, feel like their voices are being heard on a local, state and national level and that they are being empowered to share that they are LGBT with the people that are important to them. It is also just as important to continue involvement in organizing on issue and electoral campaigns. The first step though was coming out, being proud and sharing this experience with anyone that would listen and finding creative ways to share it for those that wouldn't.

My life is grounded in the love for my community, our shared struggles & our passion to make a difference in the world.

Growing up in CA, it is hard not o reflect on the passage of Proposition 8 in the 2008 election. To be honest, I know many people had criticisms of why it passed, communities pointing fingers at other communities and organizations for not "outreaching" or "properly engaging" communities of color in this fight. Despite your feelings on the importance of marriage equality, how many folks here that could have voted, actually voted in the 2008 election? How many folks got at least another friend or family member to register and actually vote (if they are eligible)? How many folks actually took an hour of their time to volunteer and get others in their community to vote (again, if they are eligible)?

I say all of this to point out that it's not too late. There is an election around the corner in 2010 where many issues that affect our communities will be decided on or will be at the forefront of candidates trying to win our votes. As we learned with Obama, electing people of color and community organizers and those who may understand our struggles is not enough.

Every time I hear Obama speak, there is always a call to organize and hold him accountable to the issues we wanted him to prioritize and the policies we wanted him to pass. Obama being in office is not enough. How are we engaging in peer to peer, direct action organizing?

It's important for us to organize and be involved in politics because we are the trusted messengers for our communities. Someone who also identifies as a queer pinay or pinoy and asking us to be involved is going to be received very differently than someone who doesn't identify. Simple as that but something that not many people keep in mind. It is our responsibility to share our struggles, connect them to policy and elected officials and get more people who look, think and are like us to be involved.

My piece of advice: Come out. Own your queer identity and have it be an active part of your life.

Take the time to organize around an issue you care about or support an organization that engages Asian Americans & LGBT people, like NQAPIA. We must continue to foster and support younger queer Asian Americans & Pacific Islanders who are in the process of coming out and dealing with the internalized and systemic homophobia, racism and sexism in and outside of our communities.

So whether it may be getting comprehensive immigration reform, ensuring that education and social services are prioritized in the state or federal budgets, getting full marriage equality and larger LGBTQ equality, Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders must play a critical role. In this ripe time and opportune moment, what role are you going to play and what contribution do you want to make? No matter what it is, you don't have to do it alone.

Si se puede! Kaya natin! Yes, we can!