It looks like there's a lot of buzz going around with the possibility of a second Vietnamese American in Congress.  I decided to do a imaginary interview with the current California State Assembly Member on a chilly Sunday morning in Little Saigon.

Why did you decide to run for the House?

My good friend John (I was co-chair for his California team and part of his finance team) called me on behalf of the National Council for New America and instructed me to take this opportunity.  He also promised the full backing of the RNC.  Also, Eric and the other John have been pushing me to run ever since Joe turned out to be a closet Democrat.

John McCain, House Minority Whip Eric Cantor, and Senate Minority Leader John Boehner?  Not Michael Steele?

Who's Michael Steele?

What is your opinion on taxes?

Taxes hurt big business.  It's critically important that we make the Bush tax cuts permanent to spur the creation of more jobs and investments.  Quite frankly, this is the best way to uphold my promises to my big business contributors of the likes of Walmart, Exxon and AT&T.  Without low taxes, we wouldn't be able to maintain the high executive salaries that sustain our economy.

Also, let me say something about the Death Tax.

Do you mean the Estate Tax?

Death Tax.  It's astoundingly criminal to tax the succession of a man's property to his children.

Mr. Tran, a transfer of assets is always taxed--it just happens at a lower rate when it's forced by death, am I wrong?

It's still a tax that a majority of voters don't agree with.

Just because you don't agree with a tax doesn't mean... wait... are those... are those strings attached to your arms?

Yes.  My friends at the Chamber of Commerce insist that this is a new game that all the big boys are playing.  It's quite comforting, actually.  I don't have to worry about the details.  They do all the voting for me.

What is your stance on gay marriage?

I like the gays.  I just don't like their gay ways.  Allowing gays to be married would cause an undue burden on my traditional marriage.  (By the way, my wife is an outstanding citizen.)  Marriage should only be between a man and a woman.  Besides, small businesses would have to pay more for healthcare benefits.  I support the working families who happen to own businesses in Orange County.  I can't and won't allow the continued defilement of the sanctity of marriage by the gay bullies.

Mr. Tran, I heard a bothersome story about a late night radio show host named Don Son.

He was saying untrue things about me on the radio.  He was unresponsive to a cease & desist letter so I acted in the name of free market principles and bought all his airtime. 

What do you think about your opponents Independent Quang X. Pham and Democratic Congresswoman Loretta Sanchez?

Who is Quang X. Pham?  And I will have no problems beating Ms. Sanchez.  If you haven't noticed by now, I am a Vietnamese American.  My congressional district has a lot of Vietnamese Americans.  All Vietnamese Americans vote for Vietnamese Americans.  I will therefore win.  If John, John, and Eric tell me so, it must be true.

Even if your voting record almost never helps the working families who make up the majority of the 47th Congressional District?

Everything I do helps the working families of the 47th Congressional District.  Especially the well adjusted working families of the high income kind.

Have you been endorsed by any Asian American members of the American political scene?

When I was a student at the University of California, Irvine, I was selected to speak with Secretary Norm Mineta.  I have also worked with Congressman Mike Honda.

Thank you for your time Mr. Tran.  I wish you good luck in 2010.