War on Asians

(Hat-tip: Angry Asian Man) Wow. Max Karson, a columnist at Colorado University, wrote a “satirical” piece in the campus newspaper declaring a war on Asian students. Pronouncing that Asians “hate us” (because, of course, Asians can’t actually be “us”), Karson advocates a ridiculous three-phased attack on Asian students, chock full of ludicrous anti-Asian stereotypes. Or at least it would be ridiculous if the fantastical plan didn’t seem so reminiscent of extraordinary rendition and a mass lynching. Here’s the column:

If it’s war the Asians want… It’s war they’ll get Max Karson Issue date: 2/18/08 Section: Opinion

Since I transferred to CU last year, I’ve noticed some tension between the white students and the Asian students. There’s never any outright conflict, but I notice little things. Like, Asians always seem surprised whenever I talk to them. They stare at me for a few seconds as though I must have made some mistake, and once they realize I’m intentionally speaking to them, they aren’t always thrilled. On the other hand, white people are quick to ridicule Asians. They have no problem with making demeaning remarks about their looks, mannerisms, and accents-things they would never say about black people. So when an Asian refuses to make eye contact with me or dismisses me with a one-word sentence, I just say to myself, “Max, Asians are not evil cyborgs. They’re human, just like you. And if you were a minority student in a sea of walnut-brained business majors and skiers, you’d be crabby, too.” But last week, I had an epiphany. After my friend and I finished working our abs at the Rec Center, we decided to head upstairs to tighten our buns on the StairMaster. As we walked down the hallway, a rubber ball bounced out of one of the racquetball courts and landed at the feet of an Asian in front of us. He picked up the ball and leaned over the railing of the court nearest to him. “Hey, that’s not ours,” I heard a guy call up from the court. The Asian stared down at him for a moment, and then held the ball out to him. “That’s not ours,” the guy said again. Then another voice called out from a different court, “Hey, does anyone see a ball up there?” The Asian looked over, confused. “I think it goes to that court,” I said, pointing to the one nearest to me. The Asian stared at me blankly for another second, and then he looked back down into the court next to him and offered them the ball again. “That’s not our ball,” the guy called up. “Excuse me,” I said. The Asian whipped his head around and scowled at me. “I think it goes to that court.” He paused a few seconds, and then he said, in a perfect American accent, “Okay,” and tossed the ball into the court next to me. That’s when it hit me. The Asian was so jaded by his experiences with the whitebread, brainless tree sloths of CU that even though three people had explained to him that he was trying to return the ball to the wrong court, it was inconceivable to him that we might be right. And when he looked into my eyes, it wasn’t just irritation and disgust that I saw-it was hate. Pure hate. I’m such a fool for not realizing it sooner. I can’t tell you how many times the Asians have treated me like a retarded weasel and I’ve forgiven them. But now I know that Asians are not just “a product of their environment,” and their rudeness is not a “cultural misunderstanding.” They hate us all. And I say it’s time we started hating them back. That’s right-no more “tolerance.” No more “cultural sensitivity.” No more “Mr. Pretend-I’m-Not-Racist.” It’s time for war. But we won’t attack their bodies or minds. We will attack their souls. The first step, or “Phase 1,” is to find them all. Anyone who is interested in signing up to volunteer can do so by e-mailing me. Next Sunday at noon, we will all meet at Farrand Field. Each volunteer will be issued an extra-large butterfly net. The hunt will then begin. When I blow my whistle, we will scatter in every direction and catch as many Asians as possible. Make sure to pay special attention to the Rec Center, the UMC, the math and engineering buildings and Lollicup. If you’re not sure if someone is an Asian, give them a calculus problem to do in their head. If they get it right, net ‘em. Captured Asians will be dragged to my apartment on the Hill and hog-tied. Once they’re all secured in my living room, “Phase 2″ will come into effect. The Asians’ reformation will begin with a 100-round beer pong tournament. They will listen to “It’s a Small World” on repeat while they play. When the tournament is finished, the Asians will then be forced to eat bad sushi from Hapa-with forks. When all the sushi is gone, they will be permitted to sleep for four hours, but the entire time I will shout through a megaphone, over and over, “Why didn’t you make enough Wiis?!” In the morning, the Asians will arrange themselves in rows, if they haven’t naturally done so already. I will stand in front of them and hold up a card with the name of an emotion on it such as, “sad,” or “surprised.” The Asians must then make a facial expression to match the word on the card. Any Asian who remains deadpan or makes the wrong face will be tickled until they pee. When all Asians make the correct face at the same time, the game will end, but then they will be yelled at for being conformists. The Asians will then be allowed to play “Dance Dance Revolution.” However, the game will be rigged so that the Asians will receive no points, regardless of how robotically they dance. Any Asian who tries to escape will be butterfly-netted and sent back to my apartment for another “Phase 2.” Anyone caught speaking any language other than English will be kissed on the lips. Once the Asian spirit has been broken, “Phase 3″ will begin. Before we let the Asians go, we will go to their homes and redecorate them in a traditional American style. We will replace their rice cookers with George Foreman Grills, their green tea mochi with fried Snickers bars, and their rice rockets with Hummers. And booster seats. When “Phase 3″ is complete, the Asians will be released. Now, I understand that this plan may upset some of you Asian readers, but the only other way to make peace would be to expel you. If you’re smart, you’ll turn yourselves in now, and it will all be over in a few days. Besides, look on the bright side-we’re not going to put you through anything we haven’t put ourselves through, and we all turned out fine. Contact Campus Press staff editor Max Karson at max.karson@colorado.edu

Angry Asian Man questions what this piece is supposed to satirize, exactly. “Satire” is one of the most over-used words in the English language, used to laugh off critics of any racist piece of art or media, without thought or care as to the fact that any good satire results in a clear indication of the original idea or piece that is being satirized. If this piece is supposed to be satire, than Karson is a terrible writer, unworthy of the energy it took to put ink to paper. But this column is not satire: it is a racism-fueled hate fantasy that should make the Asian American students of CU fearful and angry at just how intolerant their campus really is. I urge each of you to write a Letter to the Editor of Campus Press, and CC a copy to Max Karson (max.karson@colorado.edu). Include a copy of your letter in the comments of this thread for Instant Activism Karma(tm). Here’s a template. Edit (or just copy-and-paste it on to Campus Press) as you so desire:

Dear Campus Press, I am outraged at the racist, inflammatory rhetoric of Max Karson (re: If It’s War the Asians Want…, Feb. 18, 2008). His words perpetuate harmful, untrue stereotypes of Asian Americans, and seem intended to fan the flames of an all-out race war against Asian American students on the CU campus. This divisive rhetoric serves no purpose at an academic institution where all students, regardless of color or creed, have a right to pursue education free from anti-intellectual race-baiting. Asian American students at Colorado University are as much a part of the student body as Mr. Karson is. I strongly urge you to retract Mr. Karson’s column, issue an apology to the Asian American student population at Colorado University from both Mr. Karson and your editorial board, and to immediately remove Mr. Karson from your writing staff. Sincerely, [your name]

Update: Because I’m behind on my blogging, I missed the latest developments on this story. The Campus Press editorial staff stopped far short of an apology in addressing Karson’s column yesterday. They reiterated that the column was meant to be satire or commentary — apparently on racism on campus. Because fantasizing about kidnapping and torturing the Asian American student population is a “commentary” on racism. Ri-i-ight. Here’s the full letter from the editors:

Letter from the editors Regarding the ‘Asians’ satire Issue date: 2/20/08 Section: News The Campus Press can be the most frustrating labor of love a majority of the time, but none of us would trade our time and effort with this publication for anything. We hope that, as managing editors, our readers understand we would never, under any circumstances, make a decision to consciously harm the reputation of this newspaper, which has taken decades to establish. Max Karson’s Monday opinion, “If it’s war the Asians want…,” has clearly upset a large segment of our readership, and for that, we owe it to those who were offended by the article to maintain the highest level of journalistic integrity and sincerely apologize to anyone who was hurt by this article. Karson’s opinion is satire and is a commentary on racism at CU published in our opinion section, not presented as fact or incitement, and not published to intentionally incite controversy. We apologize for any ambiguity of the satire that may have been misconstrued. The Campus Press, as the only true vehicle for student voice to the CU community, offers a unique chance for aspiring journalists to learn this craft, and we are exploring a new and continuously evolving medium on a springboard to the professional world. Like all aspiring journalists, we will learn from this experience and better our publication. The Campus Press has always been, and will continue to be, a source for credible university news and a voice for this student body. Cassie Hewlings - Editor in chief Vanna Livaditis - Managing editor Ashleigh Oldand - Assistant managing editor Jason Bartz - Online director

And the school chancellor, G.P. “Bud” Peterson, weighed in, also apologizing to the Asian American student body.

A Statement by University of Colorado Chancellor G.P. “Bud” Peterson Regarding a Student Column in the University of Colorado Campus Press February 20, 2008
On behalf of the University of Colorado at Boulder, I want to apologize to the members of Colorado’s Asian and Asian-American communities for a satirical column written by a student columnist at the CU Campus Press – the Web-based student news outlet managed by the University of Colorado School of Journalism and Mass Communication. The column was a poor attempt at social satire laden with offensive references, stereotypes and hateful language. It was not properly labeled as either satire or commentary, and readers were left with the impression that the author spoke for the collective staff and leadership of the Campus Press, and perhaps even the University of Colorado.
He spoke for none of the aforementioned, and while his column is unquestionably protected under the First Amendment, the sentiments he has expressed are wounding and damaging to a community we hold dear and come at a time when we are trying to celebrate diversity at CU-Boulder with our annual Diversity Summit. I want to personally apologize to the individuals who may have been wounded or offended by the column and the perspectives that it purports to represent. I have asked the dean of the School of Journalism and Mass Communication to review this matter, to meet with the management of the Campus Press and to consider what steps are appropriate to account for what was published. In the meantime, I invite the commentary of all communities to the Campus Press Web site at www.thecampuspress.com. While that discussion takes place, let me reiterate the support of the CU-Boulder campus, our collective campus community, and the School of Journalism and Mass Communication, for our Asian and Asian-American students, and for all students of color from all walks of life. Let me also reaffirm my commitment to building a campus that embraces diversity in all its forms, and that also promotes free speech, open debate and discussion of issues and ideas, and that will not trade one to achieve the other.

Well, Bud, thanks for supporting Karson’s First Amendment rights over definitive action to address discriminatory hatespeech against Asian Americans, in direct contrast to the school’s stated diversity goals:

…maintaining a positive learning, working, and living environment. UCB does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, national origin, sex, age, disability, creed, religion, sexual orientation, or veteran status in admission and access to, and treatment and employment in, its educational programs and activities.

I don’t suggest writing to Bud Peterson or his staff at this time. But CU staff and administration should be involved should Campus Press refuse to issue further apologies or retractions following pressure from the Asian American community. Cross-posted: Reappropriate