My husband, Curtis Chin, and I were among the several hundred LGBT (lesbian/gay/bisexual/transgender) Americans, allies and other guests who attended a reception at the White House on Monday, June 29, 2009 to help commemorate the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall uprising.  Lest anyone forget, the LGBT pride parades, festivals and celebrations all across the world celebrate the birth of the modern LGBT movement and the fight for equality that Stonewall triggered.

As many of you know, LGBT Americans have becoming increasingly vocal about the lack of visible progress in advancing their rights and quality of life, particularly in light of the promises that President Obama made during the campaign and the intense hope for change of all kinds that his precedent-setting candidacy generated.  As someone who came out to family and friends many years ago, got married to my partner of 15 years just prior to the passage of Proposition 8 and devoted a significant chunk of my professional life to advancing the rights and needs of the LGBT community, I will confess that I am part of this impatient group.  From my decade of service as an attorney at an LGBT community-based organization, I have witnessed the very real need for change.  I have counseled victims of anti-LGBT hate crimes, worked on behalf of same-sex binational couples who lived in fear of separation from discriminatory immigration laws, and heard numerous stories of employment discrimination and police mistreatment.  Moreover, my anger grew as politicians banned HIV-positive immigrants and enacted both Don't Ask, Don't Tell and the Defense of Marriage Act, all at a time when the LGBT community supposedly had greater access to power at the highest levels.

So, some might ask whether I was naive in attending the reception at the White House.  Weren't my husband and I being used to generate good PR for the President?   Wasn't the whole event purely symbolic, with no policy value?  Perhaps.  But, I take away several observations that keep me hopeful.

First of all, I heard President Obama tell us to hold him and his Administration accountable for its actions.  As a former community organizer, he knows full well that we will continue to do that, regardless of how many photogenic events he holds with our community or the wonderful rhetoric that is delivered.  That is the obligation of anyone who is fighting for their civil rights, and I believe everyone who attended the reception understands this responsibility.

Secondly, beyond meeting the President and the First Lady, Curtis and I got the opportunity to chat face-to-face with some officials, both gay and straight, who are working on issues day in and day out.  They are members of the Obama Administration with whom we already developed a trustful, working relationship.  As a married same-sex couple from the Asian American community, we conveyed the need for concrete action.

Lastly, as I took photos of our time at the White House, I knew my parents would eagerly share them with family members around the world.  My relationship with my parents has improved significantly since I came out to them more than 20 years ago.  Despite their intense struggle with my sexual orientation and my relationship with Curtis, I continued to engage them and let them know that I was comfortable with and proud about who I am.  So, when my mom asked me why I was going to the White House, it was very powerful and fulfilling for me to tell her that Curtis and I had been invited to join the President, First Lady and other Americans in celebrating the nation's LGBT movement.  Judging by the number of photos my mom downloaded from me and shared, I am certain that this message got passed along to many relatives, including the most fervently religious ones.

Even as we rightly focus much energy and attention on policies and policymakers, we need to remember that our true power to make change comes from the example of our individual lives.  Coming out remains the most powerful tool in our arsenal for equality and justice, and, as the battle for our rights intensifies in the coming years, more LGBT Americans in more places across the country must come out.  When we come out, we do more than talk about our identity.  We push back against the fear and shame that bigots have used to restrict us and cower potential allies.  And as we come out, we have to normalize our lives not just to those with whom we are most comfortable or find most sympathetic.  This means an ongoing process of coming out that engages distant relatives, ambivalent coworkers, members of faith communities, colleagues in sports teams, etc.  We need to come out more in rural America, in schools, on the campaign trail, while being dropped off/picked up at the airport, etc.  This entails a tremendous amount of courage and, perhaps even personal sacrifice.  Certainly, the bravery of someone who comes out in these circumstances and settings far exceeds what it takes for some self-righteous blogger to post snippy comments attacking people who attended the White House reception.

As I reflect on the LGBT Americans who gathered with the President and the First Lady to remember Stonewall, I remain hopeful.  Sure, the audience could have been more diverse in terms of ethnicity, gender, gender identity, etc.  And, it would have been even more uplifting if some major policy change had been announced.  But, at the same time, I was moved by the example and power of the individuals who were present.  They are making change happen.  I saw a US servicemember explain his predicament directly to his commander-in-chief.  I waited in line with a public servant who just joined the Obama Administration in the US Agriculture Department.  I met a national LGBT organization leader who brought his teenage son to the event.  I watched as Bishop Gene Robinson, the first openly gay bishop of a major Christian denomination in the country, waded through the crowd.  We bumped into a Chinese-American LGBT elected official from northern California who is a next-generation leader.  I introduced my husband to Shannon Minter, who, I believe, was the strongest advocate that the California Supreme Court heard from about marriage equality.  And, I chatted with perhaps the oldest person attending the reception, an energetic senior in her nineties!  We talked about her current activism on behalf of LGBT seniors, but I never got around to asking for her perspective on all of the changes for LGBT Americans that she has witnessed and/or experienced.

So, I am glad that the President and First Lady hosted an East Room reception to commemorate a milestone in LGBT history.  I think it was the first such event in the 200+ history of the White House, and I am honored to have been a part of it.  In the end, I, along with all of you, will judge the President and his administration by what he does, and does not do, for LGBT Americans.  And, toward that end, we all must continue to do our part to help bend that long arc of history further towards justice.